Making creative progress through chaos
I know all of us feel it in some way. There is a lot of chaos around the world and certainly in the USA. I find it hard not to take that chaos on emotionally and have been struggling to find calm spaces. As you might have noticed, this summer that has taken the form of frequent short backpacking trips. But I also think I’ve finally reached the point of no return with my studio space. The chaos has overwhelmed me and brought any forward progress in weaving large art tapestries to a grinding halt. The chaos is even on full display in my Change the Shed episodes—that is how far gone I am. I have ceased caring that thousands of people have seen my disaster of a studio on YouTube for months and months.
Time to fix that. Maybe cleaning is a normal response to chaos anyway.
Studio space angst
If you knew me prior to 2014, you know that I had a fairly large studio in Santa Fe, NM. We moved to Fort Collins for family reasons and I have been unable to find a similar studio set-up in this town. Santa Fe is full of landlords catering to artists and my studio there which I shared with Cornelia Theimer Gardella, was perfect. I had space to work. I could shut the door and go home and parts of my life were more compartmentalized. That is, I realize now, a complete luxury.
Rebecca Mezoff Tapestry Studio, Santa Fe, NM, 2013. Tapestries are Emergence V: The Center Place and Emergence I. Studio opening with Cornelia Theimer Gardella.
Here in Fort Collins, my studio takes up a big percentage of this house. But the house wasn’t built to accommodate artists and the studio space is divided into three small rooms. These rooms are not at all big enough to comfortably accommodate the large looms I use for my work. In fact, the Macomber is in the living room because there is no room for it in the studio. So for 6 years now there has been a lot of swearing as I trip over things and struggle to find safe places to store yarn I am and am not currently working with as well as all my other tools. And it is CONSTANT. It isn’t like I can get organized and work. If I’m working on one project, say shooting videos for a new course, all the extra tools that have gone to live in the video room have to be moved into the loom room which makes it impossible to weave until they all move back when the video is finished.
A few weeks ago when I found myself crying on the floor clutching a badly bruised foot after tripping on the video backdrop support in a cramped space, I decided it was time to fix the problem as much as I could. Moving isn’t an option in the world of COVID and neither is renting another space, so this one will have to become more user-friendly. I’m working on that and my goodness but it feels good to move stuff around, give some of it away, sell some of it, and gain more space to work. Maybe in the end, I won’t need a bigger space after all.**
I am finding that the challenge of using up what I have (unused toiletries under the sink anyone?) and shifting my mindset to “I have enough” is liberating.
Struggles with tapestry creation
My Harrisville Rug Loom waiting for a new warp.
I feel like my creative practice has also suffered from the lack of space as well as the feelings of uncertainty that the current problems in my country and the world bring. It feels hard to create in the midst of chaos and going hiking seems like the easiest solution. But I need to get back to the loom.
I’ve been struggling with two different designs for very large tapestries for awhile now. Both of them have been in the works in some form for over a year. In the last three weeks, I’ve changed my mind four times about which design I’m going to go forward with. One is safe and will be beautiful but doesn’t speak as directly to my current feelings and thoughts about “all the things” right now. The other is not safe. It is big and an odd shape and likely would never sell, but it is something that I want to work on.
I have the colors for the first, safer option. I may or may not have all the yarn for the second option depending on what I can scrounge up from the depths of my yarn shelves. One problem with BIG is that you need a lot of yarn and that probably means dyeing sufficient amounts.*** Since I love dyeing, this leads directly to a fantastic form of procrastination. Remember THIS project? I dyed so many different oranges for this dye commission and in the end, which one did I use? One of the very first ones from a formula I have used over and over in the past. Was that procrastination or just a failure to say “good enough” sooner? Probably both. Chaos doesn’t help this mental state one bit.
So here I am with two tapestry designs in front of me, desperately wanting to weave on the rug loom and feeling paralyzed with the decision of which one is best. There is a show I want to enter one of them in, but at this point, it is unlikely either one would be finished in time. So the best answer? Choose the one I most want to weave and do it. That is what I would tell my students, right? Time to be my own best teacher.
I have enough
This is one of the biggest lessons of COVID for me. Mostly it takes the form of small things. I want a nectarine but we aren’t going to the grocery store for another week, so I’ll eat the apples in the bottom of the frig. I’m out of my favorite face lotion but I have 4 unfinished bottles of other kinds which I can use instead.
I want to dye 47 more colors so that I don’t have to make a decision about a tapestry design, but I have hundreds of pounds of tapestry yarn in my studio spaces that I can use creatively. Don’t I tell my students that limitations breed innovation?
I want clear space to create but that is hard to come by in life. So I’ll work with what I have. I have three days starting tomorrow to work through this tapestry design dilemma and I’m going to do it. I’ll let you know how it goes next week.
Do you ever find yourself in this place of indecision? What are your procrastination tools and how do you find your way through them? Tell us in the comments!
* check the shop for yarn I need to pass on from time to time. Sometimes it is hand-dyed tapestry yarn! Sometimes it is yarn I’ve purchased dyed and no longer have a use for. Always it is discounted.
** At least bigger in terms of square footage. If I could take a sledge hammer to the wall between the two rooms downstairs, I totally would. The heater and hot water heater likely would not agree that was a good idea. I’m also sure my landlord would quickly take legal action. I’ve abandoned that plan.
*** I am also actively worrying that Harrisville Designs doesn’t have any more Koehler Singles in stock and because COVID has so impacted their mill, won’t have it for a very long time. Of course I continue to worry instead of just asking them if they have any more and buying it if they do. (UPDATE a few hours later: They have more. I have ordered it. Whew. Also, the mill is doing okay a day at a time. They’re a little behind, but in true Harrisville fashion, they’re managing and the mill is running. We desperately need these small yarn mills to continue functioning, so please support them however you can.)
I talked about this travel weaving piece last week on the blog. Here it is finished though not yet off the loom. You can read the story of this piece I started while backpacking HERE.